Responding to Gays and Lesbians
Whether you’re a parent, a church leader, a professional, a student, (or anyone!) there’s a good chance you’ve encountered someone who is in pain over their sexuality.
A question that we are frequently asked is: “How do I respond compassionately when someone tells me that they’re personally navigating LGBTQ feelings and experiences?”
“When someone opens up to you about their struggle with anything (regarding their sexuality or otherwise), it’s crucial to first respond with care and compassion, and to then determine whether or not they’re seeking help from you.
If they’re not asking for your help, it is important to express care for them and the journey they’re navigating. Praying for them regularly is an excellent way to partner with Jesus and receive His heart and wisdom for how to love them well along their journey.”
If they are asking for your input or seeking your help, here are some helpful tips on how to respond compassionately.
Make sure you have a kind face on when they open up to you. Help them feel safe and know that you’re willing to be part of their process (even if what they share is shocking or surprising).
Lean into empathy/curiosity instead of correction. Connect first / allow Jesus to correct later! Say something like, “thank you for sharing. I can only imagine that you may have felt alone in this, and that would be very difficult. Tell me more about your experience and how you’re doing.”
Don’t focus on the externals / too often we forget about the internal matters of the heart!
Be realistic / the Christian life doesn’t mean you won’t be tempted; it means you have the Spirit-wrought ability to be holy even in the midst of temptations.
Honor their courage. You’ll never know how hard it might have been for them to open-up to you.
Assure them that you’re going to walk with them and help them find resources. They need to know that they’re not going to be alone in the journey.
Be a friend / not an expert.
Listen and be transparent.
Give them hope. Share a testimony about someone who has experienced freedom.
Increase intentionality moving forward. You get to show them that you’re not going to abandon them now that they’ve shared their feelings with you (rejection is something they’ve likely experienced in the past).
Be intentional to ask them about their day or check in with them on how they’re doing to show them that you’re willing to be part of their journey.
Always follow the Holy Spirit’s leading. The Holy Spirit has the best path for this person, and we must stay in step with Him to ensure the individual receives the best care.
Ask them how you can best partner with them as they walk this journey.
Things to avoid. “Ignorance is not bliss.”
Don’t compare same-sex relationships with other sins.
Don’t use the words “lifestyle” or “choice”.
Don’t say “Love the sinner; hate the sin” – just do it!
Don’t debate all the time.
